What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 07:08
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why do guys have better skin than women even though women use more product?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot live in the past .
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
How do Flat Earthers explain time zones?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My family never makes their pension either.
Why are people saying that Trump is fat when he is an athletic 6 foot 3 and 215 pounds?
I think the readers, may guess!
Put me off passion for life!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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Ive learnt so much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Obsidian Reiterates $80 ‘Outer Worlds 2’ Price Is On Xbox, Not Them - Forbes
Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Which Bibles can one read and be confident they are reading the inerrant word of God?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He resisted the act ,that day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was in good health!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was 9 years of age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She found it foreign!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Comes on , in middle age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I waited trembling.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Who then, do I blame.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So whats the point in blame.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She wouldn,t have been !
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I said to her
She married twice! .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But ive been too sick for many years..
(And it was in our own minds.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i lived it daily.
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i do to all so called friends.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!